Falling Through
by atw4324
Summary: Bella was depressed in Phoenix. She moved to Forks to escape her past, but it ended up catching up with her. Now, she must start a new life with the Cullen family. Can she finally be happy? Can she find love after the darkest events of her life? BxE
1. Intro

I had originally moved to Forks to escape my past. Really, I did anything but escape. I left Phoenix hoping that I could start over. A second chance, that's all I wanted. In a way, I did get that chance, but in a way I never expected.

You know, life has a really funny way of giving you what you want. You think you want something, and something out there knows that it's not REALLY what you want, or need.

My wish: To be taken away from everything I knew. I wanted an escape. I wanted death. I never wanted to see the people I knew ever again. I never wanted to see the very few friends I had. I didn't want to see my parents again. I never wanted to go home. This world wasn't for me.

In a way, I did get what I want. Everyone I knew thinks that I'm dead. Am I really dead? My heart no longer beats, but no, I'm not dead.

See, to my friends and family, I am dead. I had to fake my death. If I hadn't, well, the population of Forks, Washington would have been massacred by me. And yes, I did feel death, not only in my attempts, but finally, ending what _was_ my first life. And now, after having felt death and leaving my old life behind, I have found where I belong. I have found my home and my love.


	2. Chapter 1

As I packed my last few books, I took a look in the mirror. To anyone who was oblivious to the inner working of my life, I was Bella Swan. I was a 17 year old girl. I had plain brown eyes and plain brown hair. To anyone else looking into my life, I was normal.

But as I looked the mirror, I saw all the reasons I was leaving Phoenix. My eyes were set in and slightly red from all the crying I'd done over the last few years. My body was covered in various scrapes, scratches and bruises. Some due to my ability to fall over a flat surface and others of my own doing.

But the biggest mark that no one could see is the scar above my left breast. If you look in the kitchen, the meat knife is the same size as my scar. It was the biggest reason for leaving Phoenix. Yeah, I tried to kill myself. There's no way to explain what its like. At one point, you think that your life has hit a low, and then, you think that it can't get any better. So, why should you continue to live if you know life won't get any better?

And the pain. That's not something I'm likely to ever forget. Words can't explain it. I never thought I would get over the pain. It was like I wasn't in control of my body and the pain was just there. Even now, to look at the knife, I feel a pain in my chest.

I had tried so hard to keep people from knowing, but somehow, it got out. And when rumors go around in a school of over 3000, it gets pretty bad.

I didn't want to go back. I don't know if I could ever face those people again. I had been labeled as the psycho kid. No one wanted to talk to me. I was an outcast. I never had friends and I became absorbed in my books. I started writing. I had notebooks full of stories. It was the one place I could express myself and not worry about what people would think. My life became a part of the stories.

"Bella. Hurry up! I don't want you to miss your flight. Your father would have a heart attack if you weren't on your plane!," my mother, Renee, yelled.

I turned around and yelled back to her, "Give me a few minutes and I'll be ready to leave." I didn't want to tell her that I didn't want to go. As much as I hated my life in Phoenix, I detested the city of Forks where my father, Charlie, lived. He didn't know the reason why Renee and her new husband, Phil, suddenly decided that I should go and live with him. Charlie thought it was because I wanted to spend some quality time with him. I made it clear that Charlie know as little as possible. But the reason for the move was so I could start over.

Sighing, I put everything in the suitcase and closed the rest of the bags. I trudged down the stairs knowing I wouldn't be back for a long time.

"Let's get going." Renee was always worried. I turned to Phil. Poor Phil, he only knew me as a suicidal kid. I was happy…a long time ago, but there was a point in my life where I was happy. I gave him an awkward hug and went to the car.

The ride to the airport was quiet with the occasional question from Renee making sure that I wanted to go. I kept assuring her that I needed to go. Of course I didn't want to go. I would be leaving my eccentric mother behind. Sure, she had Phil, but everything would change. No, I wouldn't turn back now. Whatever happens happens. I had to remind myself that this was something I wanted. It was my decision.

The plane from Phoenix to Seattle was five hours. And the flight from Seattle to Port Angeles was only an hour. But it wasn't the flights I was worried about, it was the hour long ride back to Forks that I was worried about. An hour in the car with my father. He didn't know much, but would he notice the differences in my appearance? He never was one for conversation.

As I walked off the plane in Port Angeles, there he was. My father hadn't changed much in the last few years. Sure, he looked a little older, but not much else had changed.

"Hey kiddo! How are you?"

"I'm good Ch-dad, how about you?" I tried to sound excited.

He gave me an awkward hug and said, "I'm better now that you're here. You've grown up so much. You look kinda pale. I thought you would be tanner living in Phoenix." Oh shit…he noticed. Hopefully that was all he would say. And it was. Neither Charlie nor I liked a lot of conversation. We were ok with silence, and honestly, that's the way I preferred it. Fewer questions could be asked.

After we began the drive back to Forks, my father started another conversation.

"Hey Bells, I kinda bought you a present."

"Dad, you didn't have to do that."

"Well, I bought you a car. It'll be good. You can get around on your own. You won't have to wait for me to give you a ride." In Forks, my father was the chief of police. He drove a police car everywhere. Nothing slows traffic like a cop.

"Are you sure? I was gonna buy one when I got here?"

"No. It's ok. Think of it as a homecoming gift. It will be a really good car for you." For me? Why specifically for me?

I was curious. "Dad, what kind of car is it?"

"Well… it's actually a truck. It's a Chevy pick-up. It runs like new. Really! A lot of work has been done on the engine and it runs really well."

"Umm. I really don't know what to day dad. Thanks." The rest of the ride continued in silence. The hour long car ride led us back to the house my parents had bought in the early days of their marriage. Those were the only days of the marriage, the early ones. The nice thing about Charlie is that he gives you your space. I was left alone to unpack and settle in. Looking around my old room, I noticed that not much had changed. The same bed was still there, the same curtains and even the rocking chair from when I was a baby. I unpacked what little clothes I had brought and sat on my bed.

Why had I done this? I was going to hate it here. I felt the tears brimming in my eyes. No. I can't cry. Not yet. I could give Forks a chance or hate it from the very beginning. I would try to give it a chance. This is what it had felt like the night before I tried to kill myself. I felt empty no matter where I was or how I felt. If I was to take myself out of this world, no one would notice. But no, I couldn't do it. I had to be strong now. I wouldn't let that happen again.

I went downstairs to eat dinner with Charlie. Cooking was not on the list of his talents so I offered to cook while I lived with him. He went into the TV room and I went back upstairs to prepare for the next day. I took a shower trying to force myself to relax. Tomorrow would be hard. I would be forced to wear a mask of happiness. I would need to trick everyone in Forks to make them think that I was happy to be there. I had to be strong enough to do it. After this, there were no options for starting over.

That night I cried myself to sleep knowing that there was a chance that I couldn't do it. There was a chance I wouldn't be strong enough.


End file.
